Oh, Paul Atreides. You got marooned on that desert Dune-planet with all those freakishly large worms and spice miners. You made the best of it, by becoming a god. But what would happen if you were pitted against Gordon Uranus, messiah to the inhabitants of the extra universe that hasn’t been discovered yet, Dysuniverse?
Your mom’s a bona fide witch. That don’t-even-think-about-messing-around-with-me voice most mothers pull out on occasion? Your mom’s got the market cornered in that regard. No, Mom, not “The Voice”! Gordon’s mom is a witch, too. But she has a superpower the inhabitants of Dysuniverse refer to as “The Foot”. One kick of The Foot to an unsuspecting person’s ass could land you in prehistoric times on the planet Forgettaboutit, or just about anywhere else. It’s an unpredictable talent, but one that kept Gordon in line, believe you me.
Your all-blue with no whites or blacks eyes are frightening. I understand you have an addiction and all, but for the love of god, get some contacts. Gordon’s eyes are bloodshot red. He’s addicted, too. To gin and tonics. But which color do you think is scarier? Red.
You drank the “Water of Life” and underwent the “spice agony” to become the Kwisatz Haderach. You know, like Superman, only better. Gordon ate the “Biscuit of Death” and underwent the “condiment torture” to become what everyone refers to as: The Most Highly Regarded Superbeing of All Time In Either of the Two Universes.
Gordon Uranus: 3 Paul Atreides: -1, for turning into a worm in that last book
Game Over
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