Oh, Special Agent Pendergast. Your name is so long and your history so complicated, it would likely take eleven tomes to explain it all. Let’s see how your spreadsheet-worthy list of attributes fair when pitted against Deputy Dan of Hicksville, Alabama, a man whose only novella is so short, he doesn’t even need a last name.
Round One: Deputy Dan doesn’t have any supernatural made-up monsters to deal with in his neck of the woods, so it’s not really fair to bring up your crime-fighting history. But there’s a meth problem you wouldn’t believe blowing up in Hicksville, and Deputy Dan’s not afraid to kick some toothless, scary-mo-fo-looking ass.
Round Two: You pride yourself on being a connoisseur with the palette of a gourmet chef and we all know about your steak tartare fetish, but could you choke down a bowl of Roadkill Stew with a side of Skillet Skunk marinated in a savory sauce of ketchup and mustard? I didn’t think so. Deputy Dan could, because deep down inside, he’s a real man.
Round Three: True, you’re a snappy dresser, if funeral home director is what you’re going for. But Deputy Dan owns a pair of overalls. He wears them without a shirt when he’s using his weed whacker. You don’t know from yard work.
Round Four: You spent a year studying the meditative art of Chongg Ran. Deputy Dan has a deep distrust of anything that sounds like a Chinese food menu item. Instead of hiding out in a cave in Tibet with a bunch of monks, he spent two years studying reruns of CHiPs and growing a mustache.
Knockout.
Deputy Dan: 4 Special Agent Pendergast: 0
No comments:
Post a Comment