Oh, Holden Caulfield, would-be catcher in the rye field. You were once the most charmingly disaffected teen hero of all time. Sadly, Gen-Z just doesn't get what your problem is. I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself if you'd like. Let's pit you against post-postmodern malcontent D-Mac. That's short for something, but D-Mac had his name legally changed, so don't worry about it.
Bam: You pretty much whine your way from start to finish. Sorry, but you do. When D-Mac wants to emote, he makes a video of his grandma lip-syncing some of the fresh rhymes he dubbed over a Lil Wayne song so he can post it on YouTube. Because old people doing shit is funny. Check it.
Bam: Your prose is littered with words like damn and lousy and hell. D-Mac's personal correspondence is all LMFAO and POS and JEOMK. Look it up. LIC.
Bam: You got expelled from your fancy prep school... why, again? Ennui? I can't remember. How about: failing at life for no real reason. Which, by the way, no one puts up with these days. If you pulled that crap in 2012, they'd have you so hopped up on Ritalin, you'd be doing calculus in your sleep. D-Mac got expelled from public school for cheating on a standardized test, even though he was "strongly encouraged" to by certain school board members in order to raise the district rankings. But he ended up at the alternative school where he gained invaluable-for-his-music-career experience hanging out with real live gang members. And he got his first tat.
D-Mac: FTW Holden Caulfield: WTF?
Game Over
If a body catch a body . . .
ReplyDeleteI had to look up both JEOMK and LIC. That's how with it I am. Did you know lic is also a derogatory term for a Catholic?
ReplyDeleteOops, no! LIC - Like I Care. ;)
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Holden is such a bitch.
ReplyDelete