Oh, Winnie the Pooh. Stop right there. Are you seriously named after “poo”? You know what that is, right? Nevermind. You’ve got a bunch of friends who follow you around, like that small pig and some sad donkey, but what would happen if you were to cage fight Bad Baby, a plastic doll with a real, transplanted, beating heart, who doesn’t take crap from anyone, not even her diaper?
Let’s find out. You like to bumble around, wandering through the forest chasing butterflies and moths, humming and making up songs. Bad Baby wrote a song – a rap song. She sold it to Eminem for 2 grand, and she gets royalties. You think “honey” is funny in your rumbly, tummy-tum-tummy, even though you can’t spell it. Bad Baby likes beef jerky and cheap beer, and she can spell “onomatopoeia” without conferring with an owl about it first. Owls aren’t that smart. You wouldn’t know that, though, would you, stuffing for brains? You think your human friend, Chris Robin, is so great. But what Bad Baby knows is, humans will use you, abuse you, throw you on the ground and kick you in the face without thinking twice or even saying “pardon me”. Get real.
Bad Baby: 3 + 1 bonus point for knowing Eminem = 4
Winnie the Pooh: 0
Game Over
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