Oh, Carrie White. I don’t even want to mess with you. But I know someone who might. Tina Black. Let’s face it. Tina’s everything you’re not. She’s a popular cheerleader, her dad’s a knee surgeon so she’s loaded, and her superpower is… wait for it… an outrageously upbeat personality that allows her to mind control others, bending them to her will like spineless, sniveling blobs of JELL-O. Plus, she already knows everything about puberty, because she got her period in the 3rd grade.
You might be able to rain down rocks and hail from the sky when you’re peeved, but Tina Black can talk her uptight dork-wad of a chemistry teacher into paying her cell phone bill and then mooning 4th period study hall while yelling “you know you like it”, just for kicks. You took out a few innocent schlubs with power lines. Tina killed a spider by convincing her little sister to shoot it with their dad’s shotgun, because it might have rabies. You toss cars around like rice at a wedding, but guess what Tina can do? She can sweet talk a walrus into diving for pearls. You’re willing to stand around dripping pig’s blood all over the floor just so you can watch while the entire senior class is roasted alive in an electrical fire, their flesh melting right off their faces. Damn, girl. Seriously. You’re scary as shit.
Carrie White: 4 Tina Black: just peed her pants
Game Over
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