Spoiler Alert. Oh, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, in your stovepipe hat with your clove of garlic. Stop it, you’re so scary. But could you last even one round with Bill Clinton, Demon Slayer? You killed that one vampire with a homemade stake, but then you went home and wrote about it in your diary. Bill Clinton cut his first demon down using rays that shot out of his eyes. Then he held a press conference and swore he never touched it. He didn’t. Well, his rays did. But that doesn’t count. You started a vampire war and let the unwitting citizens of your nation fight it for you, and then... you went home and wrote about it in your diary. Bill played a demon-slaying-through-the-power-of-sound sax solo on national television that caused thirty-two demons to spontaneously combust, and he went home and acted all, no big deal, I learned that in high school. You joined the ranks of the undead so you could traipse around for eternity impersonating yourself for money at elementary school functions. Bill Clinton told the demons he had to ask Hilary first. She said no. So he killed them. Using only some fancy talk and his full head of hair.
Score: Bill Clinton – 3 Abraham Lincoln – 0
Game Over
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