Spoiler Alert.
Oh, Anna Karenina.
You’re beautiful, beguiling, and pretty fierce. You dropped your son faster than last year’s
buzzword for a man. When
things didn’t work out with Mr. Right, you threw yourself in front of a train. Seriously, you’re not playing around. But do you stand a chance when stacked up against
Deca-Mom? Deca-Mom popped out ten
puppies in one sitting (due to a drunken prank on the part of her fertility
specialist), and she wouldn’t let even one of them out of her sight for more than
twenty to thirty minutes. Let’s see who
lasts the longest in a game of: Play
Date at Chucky the Cheese’s.
Your turn. You arrive
at the sticky, hallowed doors to Chucky the Cheese’s clutching your Prada handbag like
it’s some kind of shield. I hope you don’t
mind if it gets a touch of vomit splatter on it after little Seryozha downs 3
Cokes and then rides the bucking-bronco of a coin operated fire truck. Oops, too late.
Deca-Mom pulls up in her twelve seater van dressed in nasty
old sweatpants and a stained undershirt she found yesterday in her back yard. If anyone puked on her, you wouldn’t know
it.
Your turn. You beg
the only good looking single man you can find (must be the rich uncle of one
the screaming, snot-nosed heathens crawling amok through the plastic maze
tubes) to wipe down a booth with anti-bacterial hand sanitizer so you can perch
daintily on the very, very edge of it and bemoan your fate. What? You say you write children’s books in your
spare time? Whatever.
Deca-Mom orders six large pizzas and falls into an exhausted
heap in a less trafficked corner of the play area so she can gaze lovingly at
her ten little hoodlums as they whoop it up playing Whack-A-Mole.
Your turn. Seryozha begs
for cash to buy some more tokens while you make moony eyes at single guy. Wait a minute. Where’d you go? Where’s single guy? Hey, you forgot your kid! He’ll never get out of here with that matching
number mom/kid black light hand stamp thing/law without you!
Deca-Mom: 10 Anna Karenina: that train can’t get here fast enough
Game Over
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