Romeo Montague VS. Lovesick Larry

Oh, Romeo, Romeo, where you at, Romeo?  Your highs are so high, and your lows are so low.  You might consider a mood stabilizer of some sort.  Lovesick Larry's got it bad, too.  Let's see which one of you can last the longest in:  the Game of Love.

One glimpse of Juliet and you forgot all about what's her face.   Lovesick Larry fell hard for this one chick who ended up filing a restraining order against him.  Then he saw a girl's phone number scrawled on a urinal and he knew, without a doubt, their love-to-be was written in the stars.  He called her.  She said sure, she'd meet up.  Big Bertha turned out to be thirteen, and missing an eye.  But what's in a name?  Nothing.  She smelled good, like a cardboard pine tree dangling from a rearview mirror, and her name couldn't change that.

Pretty much right off the bat, you convinced Juliet to sneak off and marry you.  Lovesick Larry has a bit of attention deficit disorder himself.  He and Bertha got drunk on wine coolers and drove to Vegas to get hitched the first night they met. 

It's touching, really, the way you ran a sword through your rival and then chugged a vial of poison when you thought Juliet was dead.  When Larry couldn't wake Bertha after a night of heavy drinking at the casino, just like you, he failed to recall how easy it was to get over that first chick the moment he locked eyes with the second one.  Two cops showed up at his door to arrest him for kidnapping.   He took them out with a machete before hurling himself off the balcony of his second story honeymoon suite at the Motel 12.  When Bertha finally woke up and found his mangled form in the parking lot next to his vintage El Camino, she offed herself with one of the cops' guns. 

I'll leave you with a Larry quote, Act 5, Scene 3.  His last, poetic words:

"O crap.  O crapful, crapful, crappy day!

Worst day ever.

Okay, O day, Okay.  I hate you stupid day!

There hasn't been a day this bad since I got fired from Wal-Mart."

Lovesick Larry:  Love Hurts            

Romeo:  Don't feel bad.  Everyone loses when they play this game.