Oh, Jack Reacher. No, you're fine. Don't come any closer. STAY WHERE YOU ARE STAY WHERE YOU ARE STAY WHERE YOU ARE. CRASH, Boom. Sorry, I tried to warn you. I put a trap door between us because, frankly, you scare the crap out of me. 18 novels worth of you kicking ass and not even bothering to take names - I'd rather you just stay in that hole while we chat. There's someone here who'd like to meet you. Thomas Cruiser, ex-Canadian Mountie.
Perhaps more important than your background as a military police officer, you've got an almost supernatural ability to tell time without a watch. That must come in handy. You give Thomas Cruiser a date, any date since the beginning of time, and he can tell you what day it fell on. April 1, 3AD? A Wednesday. That particular talent has saved Thomas' life in no less than 29 of his novels. February has 29 days during a leap year. Coincidence? I think not.
It boggles my mind how many crazy violent situations you get yourself into. At this point you're just wandering around, taking in the sights, right? Thomas Cruiser's taken it upon himself to patrol the US/Canadian border. No one asked him to. You can sympathize with that. But Thomas has an agenda - make sure no one crosses that border unless they're at a checkpoint. I don't think even Lee Child knows what you're doing.
You've killed or permanently disfigured, what, 500 people? Thomas once took out an entire town of 1,250. Because their town straddled the border, they thought they could just prance across it any time they wanted. Not acceptable. I know, I know - you killed that one guy with a single punch to the chest. But in "Blood Lust Vengeance: Niagara Falls
Thomas Cruiser: 3 + 5 (because in the movie, he was played by Bruce Willis)
Jack Reacher: 0 (we all know who played you, and he's short, hyperactive, and belongs to a cult)
Game Over
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