Oh, Dr. Frankenstein. Your gigantic ego is almost too big for this blog; your scientific powers too kooky for words. But let's have a go, shall we? You're up against Nurse Practitioner Volgelslum and her homemade humanoid, Gretelschnitzel. Ready? Set? Build a monster!
Urgh: You performed the ultimate act of creation by constructing a devil of a man, eight feet tall with veins and muscles practically protruding from its skin. When he opened his fearsome yellow eyes for the first time, you called him ugly. And you ran. Nurse Practitioner Volgelslum built a monster, too. But Volgelslum's not in the business of using whatever old, nasty, rotting limbs and digits she could find laying around in the morgue. She killed for them. When Gretelschnitzel got hit by that bolt of strategically timed and placed lightening, she opened her eyes and people swooned. Because Gretelschnitzel was fresh, and hot, like a bun right out of the oven. And she was blond and leggy.
Gurgle: Your monster turned on you faster than you could say: "A very regrettable decision to construct that evil looking fiend." He ended up killing every person you really cared about. Who could blame him? Nurse Practitioner Volgelslum didn't leave her creation to root around in the dumpster for food. Oh, no. She enrolled Gretelschnitzel in community college. Got her hair done. Trained her to be a ninja. And by the third act, Gretelschnitzel had torn limb from limb every single patient who'd stiffed Volgelsum on the bill for the last twenty years.
Flurg: In the end, your monster pretty much outclassed you in every way. Well, a couple of extra points for obsessively chasing it until you died. After a long and fruitful career, Volgelslum and Gretelschnitzel retired together to the British Virgin Islands where they lived out their days as two halves of a whole, just like it should be. Man and God. Creator and Monster. Mother and Child.
Volgelslum: Monstrous Genius Frankenstein: Monster Fail
Game Over
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